Adonis Farted

There's a furious argument going on at Elizabeth Kaeton's blog over feminism and standards of female beauty.

So how about men? It seems to me that it's only on teevee cartoon shows that fat slobs like Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin could expect to be married to righteous babes like Marge and Lois. Homer and Peter are both fat, disgusting, lazy, selfish, stupid, and confoundedly lucky (just like Americans in the Italian proverb about God always looking after fools and Yanks). They both have a common ancestor in Ralph Kramden, the fat loudmouth Bensonhurst, Brooklyn bus driver mysteriously married to the ever so much smarter and more attractive Alice (what was she thinking?).
I recently saw an ad where a lovely young woman walked by a fat young man eating pizza while sitting on a park bench and she (very improbably) flirted with him. I suspect a certain measure of male entitlement still lives on the small screen.

I've noticed that Queer As Folk, a soap opera about young gay men set in Pittsburgh, has a huge audience of straight women. A friend of mine explained that straight porn is for straight men and not for straight women. Gay porn is all about attractive sexy men, which is why some straight women love it. Straight men don't want attractive men in their porn because that would raise all sorts of complicating issues. I've noticed that straight men never imagine that their girlfriends might have the same fantasies they do. Just as some straight men like watching girl on girl action, there are women out there who'd love to see their boyfriends in a little boy on boy action.
Believe this gay man. I've said no to that request from drunken girlfriends twice.



Well guess what guys, you're sex objects now! Men in advertising are baring even more skin and casting just as many smoldering come-hither glances as women ever did. The scantily clad young man is just as effective a come-on as the scantily clad young woman. Anorexia and bulimia are now problems for men as they have their own impossible commercial ideal to live up to. Just as its hard for 40 year old women to look like childless teenagers, so it's hard for 40 year old men to look like college athletes, especially if they never were very athletic.
I'm all for looking young, athletic, and sexy; but, where's the line between wanting to show the goods and putting them on sale? How much of one's soul and resources can and should be invested in that successful passegiata on the beach? When is it appropriate to finally leave behind the things of youth and get on with the rest of life? It's a hard thing to figure in a culture that pathologically fixates on youth and says that all flesh is not grass but silicone.

When are we working to be attractive and make a splash, and when are we just making commercially viable product out of ourselves?

No guys, the world isn't going gay. You just can't expect the girls to like you "just as you are" anymore. You have to hose yourselves off, lose weight, go to the gym, and throw away the golf pants. If you want a pretty girl, you have to be pretty yourselves. If you're worried about attracting men as well as women, just remember that "a boy always like to feel attractive." If you decide to look like a troll, then you better have Bill Gates' money or Henry Kissinger's power if you want to attract anyone.

I remember years ago listening on the radio to an interview with a female naval officer about the prospect of openly gay soldiers (this must have been back in the early days of the Clinton Administration). What did she think of the loud expressions of anxiety over male soldiers having to share close quarters with "known" homosexuals? "Now you know what we live with all the time," she replied, "Get used to it!"